SNAPSHOT REVIEW: The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies by Peter Jackson
Friday , 26, December 2014 Uncategorized 6 CommentsMuch of the criticism directed towards The Hobbit trilogy revolves around the films’ faithfulness to the source material; the irony of the concluding chapter is that Jackson and company aren’t even faithful to their own narrative inventions; the film might more properly be called “Battle of the Unresolved Plot Threads”. The various set-ups, given so much emphasis and screen time in the previous two chapters, are dropped off into the cliffs of insanity like so many of the orcs in the film. As just one example, the entirety of the invented lore surrounding the Arkenstone, from its corrupting influence to its value as a symbol to unite the various dwarven kingdoms, goes absolutely nowhere. Thorin goes mad from the cursed gold and the “dragon sickness” instead, and the Iron Mountain dwarves show up on cue because that’s what happens in the book! As far as I recall we do not even see who ends up with the Arkenstone.
Jackson’s worst impulses as a filmmaker, which are present to a lesser degree in his Lord of the Rings and to a greater degree in King Kong, are unleashed here. His propensity for improbable physics-defying action doesn’t so much strain credibility as it does pound it into oblivion. If you thought Legolas skateboarding down the steps of Helm’s Deep was silly, just wait until you see him driving a troll using an arrow in its brain as a wheel.
Preposterous, incoherent, and – with the exception of Martin Freeman’s performance as Bilbo –ultimately uninvolving, Battle of the Five Armies at least has the courtesy to take a new generation of fans not only there, but back again, to the books, where they will always and forever remain as they are.
The movies set up an expectation of hormonal resolution: the girl warrior, torn between a hobbity dwarf and a thick-necked floating Legolas would finally have the painful decision decided for her by fate.
You knew she wasn’t getting Legolas from the start: she’s not in the Lord of the Rings movies. So, the rails are set for dwarfy, but even if you don’t remember which of the original company die in the Battle, you can guess that it is gonna be him, because none of the other dwarves have established anything (in two movies!) much beyond their quirks.
The Arkenstone is beyond stupid: is Thorin obsessed with it because of Dragon ADHD or whatever? Or is he (as alluded to earlier) obsessed with it because it is symbolic of his father’s insanity and he is committed to overcoming it?
Turns out neither. It is a friendship rock.
With Thorin, Princess Leia Elf, Hobbito the Dwarf, Legolas and the Transvestite Butler Guy struggling with all those feelings it was going to be pretty difficult to resolve the children’s book.
On the other hand, the blind cave troll quadruple amputee with tinker toy prosthetics was nicely understated.
Great, you all echoed remarks I made in Facebook. The 5th army consisted of the giant eagles – and as I commented it didn’t really feel like an army, anymore than the burrowing worms were part of the Orc army. Considering the amount of time spent on going to Gundabad to check out the 2nd Orc army, we saw a massive battalion of Orcs – where where these when they got to Erebor? We saw a few non-armoured Orcs scaling over the towers where the 2 Elven and 2 Gimli brothers battles, but never really saw the armoured divisions arrive in front of Erebor to reinforce the other Orcs. This seeming lack of continuity sucked as it was so obvious.
Yeah, the Arkenstone fizzled, became a non-issue. It’s almost as if Jackson just wanted to get it over with. The performances of the main characters were good, at least, but the critics are going to pull this apart methinks!