Western Civilization is doomed. I know I’ve said that before, but this time it’s really true. (Actually, I was right all those other times, it just hasn’t happened yet.) Scope this stupidity:
Thursday I suddenly found myself with two whole hours of unstructured time. Nothing I needed to play, nothing I needed to read or watch, nothing I needed to research, just two hours all to myself.
So I watched Big Trouble in Little China.
And, as I was watching people hitting each other, something hit me: If it were released today—without altering one single frame—the usual band of nutters and nincompoops would scream bloody murder about rape culture.
But they do that for every movie.
No, what suddenly struck me was that, if it were released today—without altering one single frame—Big Trouble in Little China would be rated R. Really. R. As in “Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.” Why? Precisely for scenes like this:
Yup. You see that fist impacting the guy’s side? No blood or guts or heads exploding or anything? That, my friends, is enough to earn your movie an R rating nowadays.
Now I’m a big fan of Big Trouble. Always have been. It’s just a lot of fun, and moments like this are a big reason why:
Plus, it has Kim Cattrall in it, and in her time she was one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood.
Point is the movie was great, it had kung fu fighting, a sexy lead actress, monsters and demons, it passed the Jeffro Test, and, oh yeah, KURT RUSSELL. It had all that, but absolutely nothing that should earn it an R rating.
We have gone off the beam as a civilization, when a fast-paced bit of action and adventure can be branded with the modern Scarlet Letter. I just have one question for the MPAA…